STAR-struck

gif from star

Ok, so it’s time for me to talk about STAR because it is amazing.

If you aren’t fortunate enough to already know, STAR is a show on Fox about an aspiring girl group in ATL that comes on after Empire. I think it comes on after Empire because Fox is banking on people not even realizing that they’re watching two different shows and instead just sitting there transfixed for two straight hours of insanity. But that has yet to be confirmed.

However, because people are unique as snowflakes, I am someone who does not enjoy both shows. I tried watching Empire when it first started, but it just wasn’t…perfect enough for me. It had the right components to be perfect enough for me. A-List cast, absolutely ridiculous plot lines, musical interludes that are both perfectly and at times completely randomly happening before your very eyes. That is Charlene to. a. tee. But I didn’t fall in love. Sometimes, you just don’t. (It’s not you, Empire. It’s me.)

Then along came STAR. It’s like this show was made for me. I binge-watched season one like a year ago, and then binge-watched the first half of season two a few months ago, and then had to start-and-stop watching a solid three episodes before I could figure out where I left off/what was even happening and now I’m binge-watching what’s left on Hulu. All of this binge-watching means that I now officially (?) have enough exposure to this show to have solid opinions on STAR’s contributions to society. And, while I must admit, there are none, it’s still COMPLETELY magical and I am loving* Fox for it a little more with every almost-commercial-free-episode that Hulu lets me watch.

(*Please note, “loving” pertains solely to Fox’s ownership of STAR and in no way endorses a single other thing that that network says ever about anything.)

Alright, so let’s talk about why!

THE MUSIC. Why is it legitimately good?? Not good in the way where I love bad TV, but actually good. I’M SERIOUS. If you don’t want to dance to some of this stuff, then you clearly hate fun. It’s like Danity Kane and Fifth Harmony mated and had triplets and now they’re here to give you like seven bops an episode. You can experience some of that splendor here:


THE PLOT. When I first started watching STAR, it took like 15 minutes for Star to convince child protective services to illegally give her info on the family that was fostering her sister, for Star to get to said sister, for Star to murder said sister’s foster dad so they could escape, and for them to pick up their third group member on a road trip to go be famous in Atlanta. 15 minutes. Less time than it takes to bake DiGiorno. I have been engaged and moderately confused ever since.

queen latifah gif


STAR. The previous paragraph spoils this big reveal a bit. But. The show is called STAR. And the main character is named Star. And the girls want to be stars. This is the kind of crime against symbolism that writing professors everywhere are begging you to never commit. Alas, what’s done is done and I kind of love Star (the character). And the woman who plays her – Jude Demorest – is GOOD. Good at playing Star, at least. I’ve never seen her in anything else. But who cares because she was made for this part and is so convincing and will do literally anything to be famous. Perform wherever, have sex with whoever, threaten to destroy just about anyone. And if you can see it, then you can do it, if you just believe it, there’s nothing to it, so go shine bright, Star.

star gif


SIMONE. Simone is Star’s sister. Simone is the best at basically almost ruining everything at all times. Which is amazing. And so lol. Drunk right before the group has to perform. High right before the group has to perform. Shotgun wedding so she doesn’t have to risk going back to juvie. But she’s the “youngest” and I adore endearing little screw ups so let Simone be Simone, y’all.

simone gif


ALEX. So, Alex was the rich girl but decided that money can’t buy you happiness and left her-dad-played-by-Lenny-Kravitz and her-mom-played-by-Naomi-Campbell so that she could go be a star with Star. She’s the producer of the group and the mastermind behind all their Grammy-deserving music. Basically a lyrical/musical genius! But aside from any of that, I have developed a major girl-crush on Alex and she is so pretty and so talented and so fashionable and CAN I BE HER FOR JUST ONE DAY. Ok, here she is so you can girl-crush/normal-crush your heart away, too.

alex gif


THE REST OF THE CAST. I honestly have no idea how STAR affords to pay all the people they’re employing. I’m just gonna name the people I can remember seeing on the show. This list is not exhaustive. Queen Latifah. Naomi Campbell. Lenny Kravitz. Keke Palmer. Paris Jackson. PATTI LABELLE. Brandy. Missy Elliott. Teyana Taylor. Some of the Empire cast. Miss Lawrence. GLADYS KNIGHT. And Benjamin Bratt (my mid-1990s-watching-Law-and-Order-self is squealinggggg).

benjamin bratt gif


AND LASTLY, THE MESSAGE. Despite this show containing so many plot twists that if I glance at a text message I run the risk of missing a marriage, a birth, a drug deal, and a murder in the span of eight seconds, the recurring theme is very clear. WE GIRLS NEED TO STICK TOGETHER. These girls and their dreams are number one and nothing is coming between that. Isn’t that freaking beautiful????

bros before hoes gif

(For context on this scene, Alex and Star are the “bros” in this situation, and the man who almost came between them is the ho.)


 

So, yes! STAR. On Fox. Watch it! (But nothing else on Fox.)

 

Xo Charlene

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